10 Things Most People Wish They Knew or Did Before Getting Divorced

Divorce is a life-altering event that often comes with emotional, financial, and legal complexities. Many individuals who have been through the process reflect on what they wish they had understood or done differently. At Vermeulen Attorneys, we aim to provide insights and guidance to help you navigate this journey with confidence and clarity.

Here are the 10 most important things to know or do before getting divorced:

1. The Financial Implications of Divorce

Divorce can have long-lasting financial consequences, from dividing assets to adjusting to a single-income household.

What Can Go Wrong

Struggle with unexpected expenses like legal fees or setting up a new home.
Agree to an unfair settlement, leaving you in financial hardship.
Overlook critical assets, such as pension interests or shared debts.

Example: Sarah agreed to split the assets in the joint estate without considering the value of her ex-spouse’s pension fund. Years later, she struggled financially while her ex retired comfortably.

How to Prepare

Gather all financial documents, including bank statements, tax returns, and retirement account details.
Consult a financial advisor to understand your financial position and the long-term impact of proposed settlements.
Work with an experienced divorce attorney in South Africa to ensure fair division of assets.

2. The Emotional Toll and Its Lasting Effects

Divorce is not just a legal process—it’s an emotional one that can leave lasting scars if not managed properly.

What Can Go Wrong

Prolonged feelings of anger, guilt, or regret.
Strained relationships with children, friends, and family.
Difficulty moving forward in personal and professional life.

Example: Mark buried himself in work to avoid dealing with his emotions after his divorce, only to face burnout and strained relationships years later.

How to Prepare

Seek therapy or counselling to process your emotions.
Build a self-care routine that includes exercise, hobbies, and mindfulness practices.
Surround yourself with supportive friends and family who can provide encouragement.

3. The Impact of Divorce on Children

Divorce can have a profound impact on children, both emotionally and psychologically, as it often represents a major shift in their sense of stability and security.

What Can Go Wrong

Feel caught in the middle of conflicts.
Experience behavioural issues, anxiety, or difficulty in school.
Develop a strained relationship with one or both parents.

Example: Lisa and Tom frequently argued in front of their children during the divorce process, leading to their teenage son acting out at school.

How to Prepare

Develop a parenting plan that prioritizes your children’s needs.
Maintain open communication and reassure your children that they are loved and valued.
Consider family counselling to help children adjust to the new dynamics.
Ensure that the best interests of the children remain front of mind during the divorce.

4. The Legal Complexities Involved

Divorce laws can be intricate and vary widely, not only in their application but also in their interpretation, depending on the jurisdiction.

What Can Go Wrong

Delays in finalizing the divorce, or worse.
Unenforceable agreements.
Missing out on legal rights, such as claims on pension funds or spousal maintenance.

Example: John unknowingly signed a settlement agreement that waived his rights to his ex-spouse’s pension interest, significantly affecting his retirement plans.

How to Prepare

Engage a reputable family law expert to ensure your rights are protected.
Familiarize yourself with the divorce process in South Africa.
Ensure all agreements are legally binding and enforceable.

5. The Importance of Having a Solid Support System

Divorce is not only a legal and emotional process but often a deeply isolating experience.

What Can Go Wrong

Feel overwhelmed by the process.
Make hasty decisions without proper guidance.
Struggle to manage day-to-day responsibilities.

Example: Emily tried to handle everything alone, leading to burnout and neglecting important legal deadlines.

How to Prepare

Reach out to trusted friends and family for emotional and practical support.
Join a support group for individuals going through divorce.
Work with professionals like attorneys, financial advisors, and therapists for expert advice.

6. Long-Term Consequences of Decisions Made During Divorce

Divorce is not just about ending a marriage—it is about making critical decisions that will define your financial, emotional, and relational future.

What Can Go Wrong

Financial instability, such as agreeing to unsustainable maintenance payments.
Regret over parenting arrangements that don’t work for the children or don’t suit your lifestyle.
Missed opportunities to protect your interests.

Example: Susan agreed to sell their home immediately for the sake of finalizing the divorce, not realizing the market was at a low point, leaving her with minimal proceeds.

How to Prepare

Think long-term when negotiating settlements.
Consult professionals to understand the potential impact of your choices.
Prioritize sustainable arrangements over quick fixes.

7. The Challenges of Maintaining Effective Communication with an Ex-Spouse

Divorce doesn’t end the need for communication between parents—especially when children are involved.

What Can Go Wrong

Misunderstandings and disputes about parenting schedules.
Escalation of conflicts.
Difficulty resolving ongoing issues.

Example: Mike and Karen’s lack of clear communication led to missed pickups and frequent arguments in front of their children.

How to Prepare

Use written communication tools, such as shared calendars or parenting apps.
Keep conversations respectful and focused on practical matters.
Consider mediation to resolve disputes amicably.

8. The Journey of Rediscovery and Adjustment Post-Divorce

Divorce often marks a new chapter in life, requiring self-discovery and adjustment.

What Can Go Wrong

Difficulty finding purpose or happiness post-divorce.
Repeating past mistakes in new relationships.

Example: After her divorce, Rachel struggled with low self-esteem until she rediscovered her passion for art and built a new community.

How to Prepare

Embrace new opportunities for growth, such as hobbies or education.
Set personal goals to help rebuild your confidence and independence.
Celebrate small wins along the way.

9. Changes in Social Dynamics and Relationships

Divorce doesn’t just redefine the relationship between spouses—it can also ripple out, altering friendships, family connections, and community interactions.

What Can Go Wrong

Feeling isolated or excluded from social circles.
Strained relationships with mutual friends.

Example: Tim felt isolated when mutual friends sided with his ex, but he eventually built new connections through a local running club.

How to Prepare

Be proactive in nurturing relationships that matter.
Join new social groups or activities to expand your network.

10. The Value of Professional Guidance

Divorce is a complex process that requires navigating legal, financial, and emotional challenges.

What Can Go Wrong

Make costly mistakes in settlements.
Feel overwhelmed by the legal process.

Example: Jane initially handled her divorce without a lawyer but later faced complications that cost her significantly more than anticipated.

How to Prepare

Work with an experienced divorce attorney in South Africa to navigate the process.
Seek advice from financial and mental health professionals as needed.

Contact Us for Expert Assistance

Divorce can be challenging, but you do not have to face it alone. At Vermeulen Attorneys, we are dedicated to helping you navigate this process with confidence and clarity.